Not just my baby daddy!!
I don't know why that was the title I thought of, but that ridiculous song came to mind when thinking about this story.
Even before we were divorced, I looked at Will and Jada and how they navigated their blended family and thought it was amazing that a new couple and ex could get along to keep the family in tact. After we got divorced, naturally there was some tension but never harsh fights. I just think we aren't those type of people.
I know that I'm fortunate (and hell so is he!!) to have ex-husband that really cares, is active in his children's lives, and not full of drama. Because of this, I've grown an amazing friendship with my ex-husband who is referred to as "Bro" (I actually despise the term baby daddy/baby momma).
So many have wondered about our story, so I thought I'd give you some insight.
Me: What's up Bro?
Bill: (laughing) What's up Bro!
Me: Let's get to it. Why is being a dad important to you?
Bill: Well I didn’t have the strongest relationship with my father growing up and that affected me big time ( I didn’t really understand how much it affected me until I had my own children). There’s nothing that I’ve done in this life that makes me more proud than being a father. Anybody who knows me knows that 100%. So while my childhood experiences with my own father may not have been particularly ideal, I knew for a fact that this was NOT going to be my children’s experience growing up.. Shout out to my mom Sandra and my grandmother Ma Dear (Luella) because they held it down and provided the blueprint for parenthood that I tried to follow as best I could😊
Me: What was the turning point for you in our friendship?
Bill: Well I think we were always relatively friendly with each other, heck even right after the divorce.. We had a few little spats along the way, but generally I think we were always cool.. But I guess maybe when the boys moved in with me to finish out high school is when we starting to really grow as friends, our divorce and any negative feelings about it were so long ago that it was like why the hell can’t we be cool?? I know a lot of folks don’t understand that and it’s a shame because life is sooooo much easier when you get along with your ex if you have children together.
Me: Do you think we’ve done a good job raising the kids?
Bill: I think we did the best job we could’ve done as a young married couple and later as young single parents. All in all, I gauge how well of a job we’ve done by all of those compliments we received from our kids teachers during PT conferences or the compliments we received from our own parents. When your mom/dad says to you “you guys have really done a good job with them kids”, that really hits home lol..
Me: In your opinion, why do people have such a hard time coparenting?
Bill: So many layers to that but I think it boils down to a lot of unresolved issues between the two parties.. Maybe one party is still hurt about the break up and continues to try to get back at the other through using the children as a pawns.. Or just a complete difference of opinion on how the children should be raised, maybe one parent is too strict or not strict enough… There’s so many reasons/excuses as to why coparenting is hard between both parties when they both fail to put the children’s needs first..
Me: Why do you think we haven’t?
Bill: Because we both knew that the children came first, it was that simple. I have to say, we’ve always had the co-parenting thing down pat!! Few understood it, but as long as our kids were taken care of that’s all that mattered to us. Divorce alone is hard enough on children but to add bitter/angry parents to the mix is just too much, kids need to see that both of you can still get along despite not being together.
Me: Anything you’d do differently?
Bill: Well of course I would’ve like to have our children grow up in a two parent household, but we damn near pulled that off anyway lol.. Kudos to us doggone it!
Me: Lastly, for the people all the way in the back. Are you single or taken?
Bill: For the people in the back, I AM SINGLE!!! (Thank you so much for asking that 😉)
Me: And I'll add we are NOT getting back together!!!
I'll say this, I know this doesn't or can't work for everyone, but I am so happy that it works for us.
Until next time,